Memory

To be remembered: isn't that what dances most in our innermost chambers of concern?

Just a rubber band?

Some stories are about big things: big events, big celebrations, big deals.

This story is about something small--some might say "inconsequential." It's about a rubber band.

The other day I was doing some cleaning and organizing around the house and there was a fist full of pens that I wanted to put into a drawer. I looked for a rubber band to hold them together and couldn't find a single one anywhere.

Not long after I went out for an afternoon jog and as I ran through an intersection I spied a single rubber band in the street. I stopped to pick it up, finished my jog and when I got home I had the perfect tie for that little bundle of pens.

It made me happy. I picked up a rubber band that was otherwise littering the environment, gained a useful tool that I didn't have earlier and avoided going to the store to buy an entire bag of rubber bands that would likely sit around and never be used.

Like I said, a story about something small. But in the end, it's the small stuff that adds up to the big stuff...each action, each circumstance meaningful and important, and all part of the process of life.

A $60,050 sweatshirt....

A couple of years ago I was thinking about going back to grad school and in the process found a terrific new program in social work at Cal State Dominguez Hills (Carson, CA). Because the program was emerging, things were fresh and exciting. The centerpiece of the program at CSUDH is something known as critical race theory, a way of understanding and dealing with endemic and pervasive racism (and other -isms too!) in society.

Well, I took the plunge, and will graduate today with my MSW. It's been an amazing experience, and I'm ever-so grateful to all who helped make it possible.

It's interesting, though, because among the choices of schools in the area with social work programs, the University of Southern California offers what might be called the "flagship" program. It's established and well-known. It's also expensive (about $60,000 MORE than my total out-of-pocket at CSUDH).

Two weeks ago I was walking in our neighborhood in Hollywood and noticed that someone had dumped some things by the curb, among them a hooded USC sweatshirt. I didn't think much of it then, but after walking by a few days in a row, it became apparent that those things had simply been abandoned...by then the sweatshirt was kicking around in the dirt and looking kind of shabby. So I picked it up, took it home and ran it through the laundry--I'm now the proud "sporter" of an appropriately worn USC sweatshirt (easily $50 or more).

An MSW and a sweatshirt...and a savings of $60,050!

Disappointment

These days it's easy to grow weary and be disappointed. There is simply a lot of bad news circulating. The economy isn't doing well, we continue to discover how badly many have behaved, and there doesn't seem to be much of a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel.

The truth is, for a long time we have based our sense of well-being on financial stability and relative wealth. But these are false constructs, as we have suddenly come to re-realize in these past months. A society is only as strong as the foundation upon which it is built. When the house of cards comes tumbling down and the whole thing is revealed as a sham, it's difficult to regain a footing.

What is our reality? Upon what have we built our lives? What is truly important to us? These are the questions we need to be asking ourselves as we put one foot in front of the other and carry on with life.

One day folks will look back, and we will be judged not by the content of our bank accounts, but by that of our character.

Parents

I've spent a great deal of time and energy over the years dealing with my father--his emotional volatility, his difficulty in expressing love, his insistence on perfection from everyone but himself.

This morning I had a moment of grace as I realized how very much alike he and I are, and I wondered how difficult it must have been for him in those times of self-realization, when he understood the effects of his being, particularly on those whom he loved, and felt powerless to do anything about it.

I am not my father. I am my own self. And yet there is much to be learned from walking a mile in the shoes of others. I want to grow and become a better person with each new day, to transcend the physical limitations of this world and embrace that which is beyond my imagination. Maybe my father can show me how after all...

Ah, the smell of it!

This morning I passed by one of my favorite trees. It's nondescript, even plain. It happens to be in bloom, but you can barely tell as the flowers are so small. But the smell...wow!

I thought about that tree, as I passed by, and the great pleasure it's offering. The beautiful smell fills the neighborhood and reaches people. The tree asks for nothing in return, it seems...not even a second glance.

And I wondered what the world would be like if more people were like that tree.

No choice in the matter

It may seem basic, elemental even....but we don't get to choose who loves us. We don't get to pick from the crowd those who will be the ones who love us and care about us. They may be naturally or artificially assigned (family) or simply people who fall for us...but we don't get much of a say in the matter. People will feel for us what they feel.

Our behavior may affect things...but maybe not. We can act badly if we want people to go away, but chances are it won't stop them from loving us or caring about us. We may simply decide that we don't want certain people to love us and, well, that's fine...but that probably won't stop them either.

Something concrete....

I've been having one of those days when things don't feel very settled, when life feels uncertain. So I was just thinking I wish I had something concrete to hold onto.

And then I thought about that. I thought about the illusion of permanence and the sheer lunacy of putting trust in material possessions. Holding onto something concrete may seem like a good idea, but more than likely it will just result in one sinking right to the bottom.

Better to float on a sea of uncertainty than to drown at the bottom while holding onto "concrete."